Actually I do...........

Alright, I'm going to break down my shitty(literally) weekend into steps....

WARNING SERIOUSLY LONG WALL OF TEXT


1. I get home on friday at like 1:30 in the morning, so I guess it was technically saturday (which is insanely late for me because I usually get to bed at like ten) after driving my friend home from work. This wasnt where the weekend began to go downhill, but it tired me out so it was a contributing factor anyway...

2. I wake up at 9:30am on Saturday, and proceeded to find out that my step grandfather had arrived sometime randomly last night and immediately SHIT HIS PANTS ALL OVER THE BASEMENT D:<

I MEAN HE SERIOUSLY SHAT HIMSELF WITH THE FOULEST BROWN LIQUID KNOWN TO MAN AND THEN PROCEEDED TO WASH OFF IN MY PERSONAL MOTHERFUCKING BATHROOM!!!!

But that's not so bad, I mean he's old right? Weak constitution and all that shit I can understand. So after he uses OUR WASHER to clean his putrid clothing and the foul odor is purged from everywhere but the bathroom we all go on with our day.

3. Then at around 10:00am My mom decides to tell me that we are having lunch with my friend Shawnee who's birthday it is that day. Unfortunately they regretted to tell me that it was her birthday UNTIL THE LAST MINUTE AND I WASNT ABLE TO FINISH THE AWESOME FULL SIZE PAINTING THAT I WAS GOING TO GIVE HER AS A BIRTHDAY PRESENT

I diddnt even have enough time to make her a card either, so I felt reallt bad about not having ANYTING to give her at all on her birthday (she's always really nice to me so that made me feel like a DOUBLE JACKASS) and on top of that I haddnt taken a shower after two days and working in the cake factory so I looked and smelled like crap! D:

4. So after we all pile in the car, shitpants grandpa and all (he changed by then) We jet on down to the resturaunt WHERE THE GIRL DOESNT EVEN SHOW UP BECAUSE SHE WAS ALREADY HAVING DINNER WITH HER PARENTS AT THEIR WORKPLACE.............. GREAT PLANNING MOM >__>

5. My mom and step dad proceed to GET SHITFACED DRUNK ON TWO PITCHERS OF MARGARITAS

Now this part is going to take some explaining......

I HATE my mother when she's drunk

Not to get into details... but in every major painful or traumatic or dissappointing event in my life my mother has been either drunk, recently drunk, or proceeding to get drunk.......

So obviously I've developed a bit of a psychosis after all these years of drunken misery

You know how Pavlov's dog salivated at the sound of a bell? Well when my sixth sense that notices my mother is getting drunk starts to sound a warning bell in my head; I undergo a sort of transformation.... All my emotions and feelings and normal atributes (along with all ability to have fun) get pushed down and subdued deep within myself and all the anger, pain, misery, and suffering that I've compacted and fused into a core of hatred deep inside my mind is unleashed....

BASICALLY I BECOME AN ANGRY BI-POLAR MISERABLE ASSHOLE WHO CANT STAND THE SIGHT OF, LET ALONE BEING AROUND, MY OWN MOTHER


6. This is the piont where someone gets the bright idea that we should go bowling
And I just HAD to agree so that hopefully my mom or SOMEONE would fucking sober up by the time we left the bowling alley
.....
....
...
..
.
WRONG

7. So we get 2 games, I try to avoid my mother drinking more and making a total ass of herself to everyone in the enitre alley so much that a quarter of the people leave before their games are even finished.... and I NARROWLY AVOID KILLING EVERYONE BY BLUDGEONING THEM WITH BOWLING BALLS (I was really motherfucking close)

8. I DESPERATELY try to get my step brother to take them all home in his car so I dont DRIVE THEM OFF A MOTHERFUCKING CLIFF..... but my mother just HAD TO FUCKING DRIVE HOME WITH ME

9. I HAD TO CRANK MY MP3 PLAYER ALL THE WAY UP TO DROWN OUT HER DRUNKEN BANTER AND CRYING ALL THE FUCKING WAY HOME AND I HAD TO PAY FOR FUCKING GAS BECAUSE MY MOM NEVER HAS MONEY AND ITS SOME OF MY LAST MONEY FROM AFTER BUYING MY GODDAMN GUN AND I CANT FUCKING TAKE HER CRYING AND SAYING SHE LOVES ME WHEN SHE'S DRUNK SO I SNAP OUT ON HER AND SCREAM AT HER TO SHUT THE FUCK UP BUT THEN I FEEL LIKE AN ASSHOLE BECAUSE SHE'S JUST CRYING ABOUT OUR ONE SISTER THAT LEFT HER AND WANTS NOTHING TO DO WITH HER SO I TRY TO LISTEN TO HER BUT IT JUST MAKES ME EVEN MORE ANGRY SO I TRY TO TELL HER TO TELL ME LATER AND SHE JUST WOLNT STOP TALKING AND OH THANK GOD WERE HOME GO TO FUCKING BED MOM I DONT FUCKING CARE......

10. About half an hour after we get home, everyone but me is in one of those drunk sleep comas and after a good fifteen minutes of rage filled meditation I actually feel half decent again and realise that I REALLY STINK! and really need a shower....

11. I get all my clothes ready, get my towel, and then I try to go use the upstairs bathroom to shower and THERES SOMEONE IN THERE AND I HAD SUCH A SUCKY DAY I'M NOT GOING TO WAIT FOR MY SHOWER DAMMIT so I boldly venture into my personal bathroom which has thankfully aired out by now...........

12. MY WHOLE BATHROOM FLOOR IS COVERED IN SHITSTAINS AND ITS IN THE FUCKING GROUT AND I SWEAR THERE'S SHIT IN THE SINK AND THERE IS MOTHERFUCKING BROWN GODDAMN FLECKS OF SHIT IN MY SOAP BAR I SWEAR TO GOD IF MURDER WAS LEGAL THEY WOULD ALL BE DEAD BY NOW THIS IS THE FINAL SHIT-FLECKED STRAW......... fuck it I'm too tired to deal with this literal shit so I use a towel to dispose of the shitty soap and wash the floor, sink, walls, and everything else twice and spray it all with disenfectant and take my shower and go to bed what the hell did I do to deserve this

But today I went out and shot all my guns (and my awesome new carbine that shoots like a smooth velvet dream ) with my friends and that was pretty fun, and shitpants grandpa left before I got home.......... so I guess it all balances out

YEAH THAT'S MY FUCKING LIFE IN A NUTSHELL